Whose prerogative?

As I age, like wine, I must add, I am beginning to explore parts of me that cannot be defined by titles like mommy, sister, friend, lover. I tap into parts of me that are not defined by expectations or bound by the limitations of others. I'm more than what I have allowed myself to become. I have put my all into being a mom and self-titled wife, and in doing so, I had completely lost sight of what it was like to be anything other than that. It had become my identity for the past fifteen years of my life, and to be completely honest, I never truly felt fulfilled living my life just for the two. So, I began to search for other things that made me happy and pushed myself to dream bigger and push past the borders of limitations that were expected of me, even if I failed. Even while wanting to push past my routine way of thinking, my mind fought against me with self-doubts and insecurities. Would it be possible for me to do it? What am I passionate about? I asked myself. No longer having the same mind or soulfulness that I once possessed, I no longer knew who I was or the sense of security I had in the titles already placed upon my head. The farther I stepped into uncharted territory, I realized how much of my personality was toned down and polished. I was ashamed of being dark, sassy, sexy, and spontaneous, as if being any of the previous things wouldn't allow my true self to be in harmony with each other. Knowing who I am, where I'm headed, and what I want to achieve gave me a new sense of what it means to be me. Not a labeled version of myself, but my genuine God-made self, which has empowered me to manifest a life that doesn't fit into society's norms. Authenticity allowed me to overcome insecurities, depression, and remove the false sense of contentment society gave me when I tried to fit into their mold. I was now living and not just existing. I was lifted into a cloud of light, floating on a spring of water, standing out among all the known colors of the world, and thought, this is what it feels like to be Ashley, just Ashley!