Lost found and healed Part I.....

The image was always beautiful but gave the impression of no reflection. What do you do when you finally see one but still feel detached from what's looking back at you, when your habits or existence don't quite seem to make sense? Having first-person experiences with my alternative selves that I often tend to reduce to ego. Both coexisting simultaneously, feeding it and allowing it to fuel me. So much that I couldn't distinguish between what was me and what was Chrystal aka ego. The more I channeled Chrystal, the "badder" I became, both figuratively and physically, creating a frequency of attraction where the "sought" sought after me. Uprooting the seeds I buried from my past, a world of illusion was created where my shit didn't stink. Living in the land of Da Lulu where I was allowed to do what I wanted was thrilling, spontaneous, and refreshing. A world where everything I did was justified with solid reasoning, until those moments my delusions would crash into the realities of the outside worlds, I chose to intertwine with. where I had become the villain. Hitting me with a harsh dose of serotonin after short but lit experiences with high dopamine. Reminding and humbling me that I wasn't the "crème de la crème" leaving me feeling confused, broken, and disembodied. He was the issue, It's not you!! "Ego" spoke loudest in these moments, fueling those emotions of pain, abandonment, and resentment with scorching hues of blues, red, and yellow instead of the calm waters "I" desperately yearned for but wasn't fully ready to commit too. As much darkness as I had endured after reality set in. The excitement of charting unfamiliar territories gave me a rush that made me comfortable living in a state of Da Lulu, even if short lived.